Kadence Madison Rodriguez

My precious little angel. As the days go by and it is getting closer and closer to your birthday, it is getting harder and harder to dill with the fact that you are no longer in my life (physically). I've been really emotional and just don't know how to deal with life. I try everyday to be a better person (mother,sister, daughter,aunt,girlfriend, and friend) but no matter what I do I just can't accomplish it. I want to be normal and live a normal life were I can get along with everyone around me. I just wish I could be up there with you where there is no worries and I could live to the fullest. Not a day goes by that I don't wish for that. I can't function normal enough for my kids. This medicine that I'm taking is not working and my working environment is even harder. Being around tons of women who can have babies and hold them and love them is really taking a tole on my heart, mind, and body. I just wish there was something I could do to get you back in my life to make everything better again. Please give me guidance and strength to be the person I need to be. Show me in the right direction. Be with me by my side, especially when I can't deal with my life that day. I want to believe you are in a beautiful place. But I'm just so angry with the idea that you were already here in a better place. You were and still are loved and cherished by so many people. You brought your daddy and I closer than ever.Your uncle and Camille could actially stand being around me. Now there are days were thay don't even want to be around.
Today actually was one of those days were your uncle and I got into an argument. It's been a while since that has happened. Now everything is going to go back to the way it used to be. Camille and I won't talk and we can't even do things together. Which will hurt your daddy more then me. Things are never going to get better! I think that's why I have such a negative attitude towards live cause of all the things that have happened to me. So please help me to stop being so angry with God, myself, and the others around me. Whisper in my ear and et me know you are alright and loved just as much as we love you. I love you my precious angel. Sending you all my hugs and kisses!

Happy Easter Sweetie,

    I hope you had lots of fun looking for Easter eggs yesterday with all of your Angel friends.  We made a special Easter Egg for you and had your name written all over it.   Not a day goes by that we do not think of you.  We miss you so much.  Until we meet again Sweet Angel, until we meet again.  I'm sending you a picture of your mommy and daddy to keep close to your heart.  Continue to give them strength.  Keep us all in your prayers.  We love you with all our hearts.  I will love you always and will never forget you. 

Hi sweet Angel! Hope u have a beautiful night floating on the clouds! xoxoxoxo's

Mommy just wanted to say Happy nine months. I can't believe would be nine months old. My how the time fly's by. It seems like just yesterday that I was holding you in my arms and giving you kisses. I can only imagine how big you are. I bet you have so much hair. Not a day goes by that I don't think of that. Evey moment with Lilly reminds me of how much you would be achieving. It hurts so much to have all that wondering and questioning. I know that God had a special deed for you up in Heaven. You are all of our Guardian Angel. Speaking of Guardian Angel, watch over your brother he's sick. I was so scared they were going to have to admit him. They didn't have to though they just went him home with a Nebulizer and some medication. Give him and us all guidance and strength to love each day to the fullest. Help us to not take life for granted. Show us the way to appreciate everything in life. I will always send you all my love, hugs, and kisses. You shall forever stay in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. I love you my little Momacita's. Have a great day in Heaven with all your beautiful friends. Don't forget to send us hugs and kisses! XOXOX

Hello angel! Today was mommy's first day at your new position in Pediatrics. It was so hard seeing all those sick little babies. There was this one little baby who was 2 months old and she just reminded me so much of you. I couldn't help myself to cry. I'm hoping this oppertunity helps me get through all this pain and heart ache I am going through with out you in my life. I know my beautiful angel you with forever be with me in my life as long as I keep you in my heart, mind, and soul. Be with me by my side. Guide me in the right direction I need to be in. Give me strength to do good for myself, and our family. Send me all your angel hugs and kisses. Remember that I am thinking and talking of you always. I want each and every person I meet to know what an angel you are. I love and miss you dearly and I know that will never go away. I am waiting patiently until the day we can be together again and I can hold you in my arms and never let your go again. Sweet dreams my beautiful angel. Stay nice and warm. Oh ya I wanted to ask you to say hello to my friends Ambra's little boy for me. I don't know his name but I know he went to be with the Lord October of 2007. Please send him my love and let him know that his momma loves and misses him dearly. Sending you all my hugs and kisses always. Hope you liked your page. XOXOX

                                             

Good night my precious angel. Have plesant dreams, and stay warm. Today is your cousin Lilly's birthday. 1 year old wow! You would have been right behind her. Make sure so give a big birthday hug and kiss. Don't forget to send us all special angel hugs and kisses. Not a day goes by still that I don't think of you. You are a constant memory and shall ever remain. Watch over us all. Guide us and give us strength to be better people. Give me the direction I need in life. Help me to deal with my loss of you. Help me to forgive and not be so upset with God. Sending you all my love, hugs, and kisses. I love you my little Momacita's! XOXOX

Mommy just wanted to say have a great day with all your friends. Today it has been five months since you've gone to be with God. Mommy loves and misses you so much. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you could be here with me. I know you are with me always but it's just not the same. I need you in my life. You started changing me for the better. Now I'm just a angry person that always has that question WHY? How could something like this happen to me. I don't understand what I could have done so wrong to have deserved something so painful. This pain in my heart and my mind just doesn't want to go away. People say time will heal. Time for me just seems to be getting worse. I don't want time to heal, I just want my precious baby girl back in my life. I hate the world and almost everything in it. I don't feel as though I could be a good mom to my kids and a good wife. I have been taking it out on everyone around me and that's just not fare for anyone. I just wish we could have had a second chance with you. Change what we might have been doing wrong so everything would be ok. There are so many children out there who are abused and neglected. You were not one of them. You were loved and adored very dearly. You had everything a newborn could ever want and more. I gave you my whole heart. Then he goes and takes you away. That made my whole life crumble. I never realized how much I took life for granted. Now I just don't even care about life. I know my daughter Samantha would be well taken care of by your Grandma Darlene and  as for your brother he would be better off with your dad, grandma Della, and grandma Cindy. I don't want to be selfish, but I just want you in my arms again. I love and miss you dearly. Until we are together again. Hugs and kisses always! XOXOX

Good night my beautiful angel. Mommy just wanted to send you this balloon. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are always on my mind. I sit and wonder how much you have probably grown and how much you are accomplishing. I see your cousin Lilly crawling and trying to walk and say you would be right there behind her. It's so hard living like that. I just wish I had the oppertunity and the privalige to see you grow into a beautiful young woman. Everyday seems harder and harder. I can't believe it's been almost five months since you've been gone. It feels like an eternity that I haven't held you in my arms. I miss giving you your baths and putting lotion on your tiny little feet. I miss dressing you in all those cute little outfits. And most of all I miss huging and kissing you. I know I can\'t do all that stuff physically, but I do all that in my thoughts and dreams. I talked to one of the people at OMI and they said they haven't ruled out your death as SIDS. They actually found a bacterial infection in your lungs. That hurt me so bad. What if this could have been prevented? My baby would be here right now! I ask myself that question everyday now. It's been eating me up inside. I can't get over the fact that this possibly could have been prevented. Anyways I'm just so excited that your page is back up and running well. I missed talking to you. Have a wonderful night, sleep tight and sweet dreams. I love you with all my heart. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses always! Till we are together again, I'll see you in my dreams! XOXOX

Hello my little beauty. Sorry mommy hasn't written you in a while our computer has been acting up. I wanted to let you know that I finally went to see a doctor and I got on anti-depressants. They also gave me sleeping peels. For those hard nights when I just can't stop crying about you. I miss you every day and wish I could hold you in my arms. I've been trying to keep busy. Today I was cleaning the room and I found all your beautiful pictures that we developed. Going through those pictures was really hard. But I was so excited to have found them. Your daddy and I are still grieving really hard with your passing. So please be by our sides and guide us through this very difficult time. Give us strength and courage. Watch over your sister and brother. Especially your brother. He is taking it really hard. He miss you so much. He actually asked for you yesterday. It just broke my heart! Be with me in my dreams and always. Lots of big hugs, butterfuly kisses, eskimo kisses, and most of all kisses! Good night , sweet dreams, and sleep well! Give all your beautiful angel friends hugs and kisses from us all. Always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers! XOXOX

Hi baby its your daddy I just want to say I love and miss you very much.  I am sorry I have not wrote you in a while but I talk to you in my own way every day and night. I gotta tell you this whole thing that has happened has really got me torn up. I feel as it just was not fair and then I think about all these other parents that this has happened to also and its really not fair for anyone.  I guess what I am saying is all of us just want answers. I go on day by day hoping and thinking its just a bad dream but the more time passes it seems the harder it gets. I guess at first it was just such a big shock it did not seem like it could be possible.  Its starting to really sink in and its been but I guess I was just in denial.  I just want you to know I love you very very much and I will never forget you.  Even if I do not write you on this, I'm still always thinking of you or talking to you.  So baby girl I love you good night sweet dreams and god bless. Your daddy

Hello Little Momacita's. I really need your guidance. I am going into a depression and don't know what to do. Considering I was a Manic Depresses with Chronic Anxiety before your passing was really difficult. But now you being taken from me. I just can't handle it. There days where I just want to break down and go be with you. I hate myself and everyone around me. My life feels as if it is miserable. I know its not! I can't sleep, I eat once a day and I just don't feel like doing anything! I trully want to get on something but I'm just afraid of the side effects. I've been on anti depressants and I did not like the way they made me feel. So angel please be with me by my sede and give me strength and guidance. Help to be a better mother and fiance. I know that I'm not the only one hurting so I need to stop being so selfish. I just wanted to say how much I love you and you will always be in my heart. I miss you every minute of the day and you are constintely on my mind. Not a day goes by that I do not talk of you. I want everyone to remember who you are and how beautiful you are! Sending you all my hugs and kisses always! XOXOXOX

Hello my gorgeous angel. First of all I wanted to say how much I Love You and miss you so dearly. Not a day goes by that you are not on my mind. Your beautiful face is a constant image in my mind and heart. Everyday when I pass through the hall way for work, I feel your presence. That smell of you is so strong. Everyday you are talked of. Wither it is by me or someone else. You touched so many lives in the amount of time that you were here. Like your aunt said you were the piece of puzzle that we were missing. And now were are missing you all over again. I also wanted to let you know that I have been trying really hard to be strong for your daddy, sister, and brother. But there are times where I just want to break down and give up. I have been thinking of things that I know I shouldn't be thinking of. So that is why I'm going to go see a doctor so I can get on something to at least make my life be a little more bearable. I need to be on track again for myself and my family. I know that the pills will not make this pain in my heart go away, but I do believe it will help me to be more human. I know I will never understand why you had to leave us and go be with God, which he is so lucky to have you by his side. That saying "She is in a better place" is so full of shit. You were in a great place here with us. You were loved unconditionally, adored to pieces, and well taken care of. You are still loved unconditionally and adored to pieces and will always. I also wanted to ask you to watch over us and give us strength and guidance for the new year. May it be a little more easier and bearable. I don't know if I can handle anything else. Be with us in our dreams and whisper in our ears and tell us you love us. Show us that you are ok and that we are all going to be ok. Oh ya and be sure to send us all your angel hugs and kisses. Last I wanted to wish you a Glorious New Year. May it be filled with love, peace, joy, and most of all happiness. I love you my little Momacita. Hugs and kisses always! XOXOX