Freddie Uncle Martinez |
Camille |
Hello my sweet girl, just dropped in to say i love you and you are on my mined. There is not a moment that i dont wish you were here. To see you and hold you and smell you one more time, but that is not life and no matter how hard i wish it will not happen. So please stay close like you have and vistit me in my dreams. Send me that love you gave me when we first meet, it helps me coop with this pain, my life is unside down and no matter how hard i try i cant get it upright again. If i have need guidence it is now more then ever. I miss you and wanted to send my love... muah
Hope, I knew to an exstent of what This baby was the best thing that could have ever happened to ALL of us. she made us whole. She was the last peice to our puzzle and now its gone agian. all we have left is memories and this page, to get us though what is killing use inside. My pain can be no where near yours and i needed help tp deal with life. I can imagine what you deal with daily. The words "she is watch over use" , and " she is in a better place"just dont give me peace. I try to make them but there is no way to force it. I myself wounder what she looks like and what she would be doing? she would be so big. Big enough for me to keep. lol but like i said before thats not the case. And nomatter what i tell myself i cant understand it either. It like i told you before i loved her like my own and i only knew her 3months. But that 3 months was long enough to send me off the deep end.............. I can say nothing that i think might help because i myself think its crap.... she should be here with us not taking care of us. All i will tell you is i am on something to help the pain and so far it has helped but not made it heal like they say time does. I like you think i hurts more the longer she is gone. It is like the longer it is the more real it is and much more perminit. I believe now there is no other way to deal with it, drugs and talking is the only way. I tried it on my own and lost my sanity. Try going to the doctor and getting something all it can do is not work, or really help you out. You have been strong for way to long, its time you help yourself. Keep going day by day and together we will find a way to heal. stay strong for YOU!!!!!
Mommy |
Camille |
Hello my sweet girl, i wrote you this huge letter at work and it never posted. So here i am yet again writing. I hope your days have been great in heave and that from time to time you look in on us. Your mommy has been having a hard time and it worries me, yet i cant help cause i have been having a hard time. I would never ever think i could get depressed yet i was so bad that my family around me noticed it. I did not want to admitt to such a thing and lived like this for a while until it got so bad i couldnt live my daily life. I would cry, and not want to get out of bed not want to talk to my family, was pushing my girls away and wanted to just disappear. I finally went to the doctor and got help and so far they have worked wounders for me. i am able to live my normal life again. man how i miss you so much. I never understood how bad i took your lose. I can only think of the pain your parents must go though ever day. This is way to much for one person to take on alone and want to tell hope that my pills trully helped me, i may not be here if not for them. I want you to know i am here to talk if you need to and will answer any questions you may have about them. but they work!!!!! i see you and the pain in youe eyes and heart and want to help but know there is only so much i can do for you. I am telling you this is what worked for me, I was BAD hope>> the lose of this angel killed me inside and i could not get it out, and when i phone and lab top cut me from writting to her , i started to bottle it all inside and got worse fast. I hated the world. but i really did, no joke. lol at least now i can think and live some what of a normal life. this baby was so special to me and i want to thank you for having her. she lives in my heart each and everyday. though i may not be able to wirte like i use to, I want to everyday. I can not say enough how proud i am of you and andrew. You have come such a long way. I have you in my prayer and am always here to talk.
WATCH OVER MOMMY SWEET GIRL............ MUAH AUNT Camille
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Hi honey, i have not been able to write and i think everyone in the world knows how much i want to. Well as far as the masses go, sorry honey i just cant bare to sit through them. I love you baby but it is to painful. I barly make it though the day with out being reminded much less a whole mass. I hear little babies cry in my office and i just get so upset. I cry cause i dont want them to feel pain. When i think of you i think love and tenderness. I had to go to that church for my uncle and i was in the same spot that i was with you and they had him in the same place. I am looking forward to you to your remeberance and the gift i will get and keep forever. I love christmas more then my birthday and to share somthing that special with you, well i could not ask for more.I have no have a chance to vistit any of the other angels, so please baby send them my love. Thanks giving is tomarrow and i am so thankful to have the ones i can one more year. I hope it snows, work your magic and show the world that pretty white blanket. I love you baby. Stay close to mommy and daddy these will be the hardest times. Sent them your love and comfort that your fine and sending them love. Have a good night angel. Love you much love baby, Aunt Camille
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